Beetlebottom #8

Knock knock, who's there...and ..Who isn't?

At the bootlegger's house, it was a slow start to the day. David Lee Royce stirred first.

There was one fairly filthy bathroom in the old house. David Lee stood over the stained toilet and was deeply disgusted. This was way worse than a prison crapper or even an army latrine.

Those places had people assigned to clean bathrooms, this old shack…didn't.

Destiny wasn't anywhere to be seen inside the house. David Lee checked all the rooms, and she definitely wasn't on that flea infested couch.

David went to look outside to see what he could see out there.

The old dog was glad to be let out, he was late for doing his morning business and in a bit of a panic.

David Lee thought that maybe, just maybe, Destiny was outside, having a smoke.

But , no, apparently not. She wasn't sitting on the porch bench, and she wasn't out in the yard.

David Lee then recalled through the haze of a slight hangover and inadequate sleep, the his punk ass nephew, Billy Brown was also AWOL.

 He recalled not seeing Billy around late last night, but it looked like both Destiny and Billy Brown were missing in action.

David Lee went over to his car. His boots got soaking wet with all the heavy dew on the uncut grass.

He opened the passenger door of the red muscle car, and peered in the back. Billy's sack of spare clothes was still there, and his wallet sat on top of his scrunched up jean jacket.

David Lee scanned around the interior of the car, and quickly saw that there wasn't one single piece of Destiny's stuff in there.

Then, a thought flashed through the confusion and gaze…” Those fuckers…son of a bitch…tell me they didn't!”

A switch went off in David Lee Royce's head. A rapid succession of emotions flooded in. Deep and sudden anger, disbelief, vengeance and the gut level desire to hurt someone with extreme prejudice.

David Lee went back and opened the trunk, very sure that he knew exactly what was going on.

There, inside the trunk of the muscle car, sat his precious cargo, precisely as he left it. Two medium size duffle bags laying neatly side by side.

 David Lee unzipped both, and found all the original contents sitting in there, the same way he packed it two days ago.

David Lee lifted one of the bags to find his .45 caliber automatic pistol in a cloth bag, laying beside a Remington shotgun. 

Relieved on one hand, but unsatisfied and puzzled on the other.

Why was Destiny and the fucking idiot Billy Brown missing AND…his stash was still here?

That just don't make any sense at all.

David Lee didn't get to where he was by being stupid or naive…he had seen every hustle that ever existed.

And right about now, he smelled a hustle.

David Lee took the .45 pistol and tucked into the back of his pants.

David Lee went back in the bootlegger's house and checked several rooms until he found Porch Man, still sleeping. Porch Man was still in his clothes laying face down, deep in alcohol fueled sleep.

David Lee gave Porch Man a good shaking.

“ Hey…Hey ..wake up. Dude, wake the fuck up. I need to talk to you “

Porch Man raised his head a bit, and with bleary eyes looked up in the general direction of the disturbance.

His first emotion, even before his brain clunked into gear, was one of immediate anger.

Porch Man thought, “Who the fuck is rousting me at this ungodly hour?”

Porch Man's mind cleared quickly when he looked up to see the hulking David Lee standing over him.

Then it became crystal clear, it was time.

 David Lee has seen enough of Porch Man's obvious potential, and wanted to talk about a partnership.

Porch Man sat up on the edge of his rickety old bed, and instantly became aware of a pounding headache.

David Lee said, “ C'mon, let's go outside, I want to talk to you.”

With dreams of Beetlebottom glory and a screaming headache, Porch Man pulled his boots on and followed David Lee outside.

Mama and the Old Man were still sleeping in the back room. Both were laying on their backs, mouths open, snoring up a storm.

Porch Man stepped on to the wet morning grass and lit a cigarette.

David Lee said, “ Let's go for a walk out back, maybe you could show me around the property.

The bootlegger's house sat on twenty acres of what used to be an orchard. The grass was tall, and the fruit trees never got tended to these days. Whatever fruit there was, just rotted in the branches, or fell on the ground.

Way over in the far side was an old dirt road that ran parallel to the road that went past the house.

David Lee lit his own cigarette with a shiny chrome flip top lighter.

Porch Man thought that was the coolest looking move ever. He was going to get himself one of those. If you're gonna be a boss, you gotta look like a boss.

As the two men walked into the field, they didn't really notice what a beautiful day it was shaping up to be. The sun was in its way up. The yellow grass field glistening with dew. It was glorious.

But both men had thoughts rolling around in their heads that had nothing to do with the morning weather.

David Lee wanted answers, and Porch Man wanted his promotion to the “Big Time”

David Lee started with…”did you and Billy talk at all last night?”

“Naw, man, I tried a little bit, you know, just to get to know him a bit…but he really wasn't making much sense. Now I don't mean to pry, but is Billy ok in the head?, I mean he was acting pretty weird “

As they walked further, David Lee ignored Porch Man's question.

David Lee took a pull on his smoke.

David Lee came back with, “ I notice you last night staring at my old lady. You two…you two didn't ..ah you know “ get together” last night did you?”

Porch Man stopped in his tracks. First off, he had to think back…”Jesus…did I have sex with Destiny last night?”

Porch Man played back the scenes of last night, as best he could remember. There were definitely a few fuzzy spots. But then it became bluntly clear that the only correct answer, no matter what was, “ Fuck no, never touched her, Jesus Christ, why would you say that?”

David Lee persisted “I saw you staring at her, like you were having some ideas”

Porch Man fumbled back, “ No way, man. Never. I mean , she's a good looking woman and all…but no way, I'd never interfere in your business like that. No way.”

David Lee asked, “ Did she talk to you at all, did she say anything, tell any stories?”

Porch Man came back with, “ No, not really man, and you know, I don't want to be rude or anything, but she seemed kinda like a bit of an “ Ice Queen “...you know, unfriendly”

The men continued to walk out into the orchard field in the morning light.

David Lee took another pull on his cigarette and asked, “Did you happen to see Destiny and Billy talking to each other…did they disappear together at anytime last night, that you mighta seen?”

“ Naw, I never saw that. Billy was in and out all night. What was that shit he was smoking? I ain't never seen anything like that. 

Getting so messed up from smoking a doobie, that just ain't right”

“Billy disappeared at one point for a while, I was kinda glad about that, cuz his weird jibber jabber stopped when he was gone outside“

David Lee stopped and took another puff from his cigarette and exhaled slowly.

Porch Man was feeling pretty good about standing up to all the questions.

This obviously a test, and he was acing it.

David Lee reached around behind him with his right hand to get the .45 pistol from the small of his back. At the same time, he reached out with his left and grabbed Porch Man by the collar.

David Lee was big enough and strong enough to pull Porch part way off the ground.

 David Lee planted the muzzle of the .45 right between Porch Man's eyes.

David Lee said slowly and very deliberately…” Where. Is. My. Old. Lady?”

Porch Man was up on his tippy toes. He instinctively knew this situation.

The Old Man used to get a grip on him like this when he was drunk and angry. The old man was always drunk and angry.

Porch Man wasn't gonna be assaulted like that anymore by anyone.

Porch Man reached up and grabbed the gun and David Lee's hand with it.

When Porch Man tightened his grip, David Lee reacted by trying to pull the gun away.

But, instead, the trigger got pulled.

There was a loud, sharp crack, but Porch Man didn't hear the gun go off.

Mainly because the bullet had already left the gun, and quickly penetrated the bone at the front of his skull. 

It didn't take long at all for the bullet to push through the jelly of Porch Man's brain, and then exit out the back with a spray of bone and brain matter, kinda like a high speed meat lovers pizza.

Porch Man dropped straight down without hesitation to the ground.

All of his dreams of power and glory were strewn out behind him on the brown dirt and yellow grass.

David Lee Royce stood there, still holding the pistol out and watched Porch Man crumple into a pile on the ground.

And for all the world, it looked like the expression on Porch Man's face, just below the hole, was one of surprise.

“ Fuck…fuck…fuck!” David Lee spat out.

He looked around to survey the field. Nobody in sight, and they were a fair distance from the house.

David Lee stomped out the last of his cigarette on the ground beside Porch Man's body.

 He lit a fresh one, and started marching back towards the house.

On the far side of the field, over on that old dirt road, trudged Slim Jim.

It was a school day again, but this one was different.

Slim Jim had a dilemma on his hands.

He couldn't stay home, and going to school was going to be an issue.

Just yesterday, he and Lanky got caught stealing the donation jar, then got beat up by the principal, then bought beer and got drunk. 

And then…Lanky pegged Abe in the back of the head with a rock. 

Followed by Lanky's misguided attempt to burn the school down, resulting in catastrophic burns and cuts.

Slim had run off and left Lanky on fire and bleeding. He had no clue if he was dead or alive.

Slim Jim was in as deep of thought as his meager facilities could manage, when he heard the bang, the noise…

Slim Jim had seen a guy work a bullwhip once. 

That sound of the cracking whip, sounded like what he just heard.

Slim looked over towards where he thought the loud crack came from.

Way over in the orchard field was an all black figure.

Slim couldn't make out the details at that distance. It was huge looking and all black.

It looked weird and out of place. It stood kinda like a man, but was so big and dark that Slim really didn't know what he was seeing.

Whatever it was, seemed to turn and started to move away from where it was standing.

“ Jesus, that's freaky” Slim Jim thought to himself.

And then Slim Jim's thinking went right back to the issue at hand…having to show up at school on this Thursday Beetlebottom morning.