Beetlebottom #9

A Swing and a Miss.

The Old Man and Mama were still snoring powerfully as David Lee walked out of the orchard field and towards his car. 

The old dog was still outside, checking all corners of the front yard. The dog knew better than to trot over towards the incoming David Lee and get some attention. The dog knew it didn't want what that guy had to offer.

It was apparent that Destiny had high tailed it in the night at some point.

It made zero sense that she took his idiot nephew, Billy Brown with her.

And…it was really obvious, that Billy Brown was way too fucking stupid to make any plans of his own.

Something definitely was off.

David Lee Royce got into his muscle car and slammed the door shut with no concern about waking anybody up.

A few seconds later. He twisted the key, and the big V8 roared to life. The car sounded loud, angry and pissed off.

David Lee was going drive into that little shit hole town and see what he could see.

He backed out of the bootlegger house driveway on to the gravel road out front.

David Lee pressed in the clutch, pushed the floor shifter forward and left into first gear.

Expertly easing the clutch pedal up, and pressing on the gas pedal, the car lurched forward and kicked gravel back like a charging bull.

Inside the bootlegger house, Mama finally stirred when she heard the car.

“ Oh, I guess they are all going to town for breakfast. Damn it..I haven't had a store bought breakfast in ages, I missed the boat on that one”

The Old Man moved ever so slightly and the fired out the loudest, longest fart imaginable.

The sheets billowed and fluttered like a sailing ship in a windstorm. The sound had a life all of its own. Starting with a bark from a baritone saxophone in a high school marching band, and then progressing up to something like a hippopotamus roar while gurgling with river mud ….

Finished with a high speed gas exhausting sound like a ten foot round rubber party balloon being let go to fly around the room.

It was an environmental and atmospheric insult of biblical proportions.

Mama noted to herself, “Well, I guess I'll be washing those sheets today….. again “

As David Lee motored along the dirt road, it felt to him like the big V8 wasn't running quite right. It was always a bit rough when it was warming up, but this felt different.

David Lee checked the gas gauge, his first thought was that one or both of the shitheads, Billy Brown or Destiny had drained the gas out.

Nope, the gas gauge said half full.

David Lee then moved his thoughts to maybe a wire fell off, or the carburetor needed adjustment.

David Lee's anger ratcheted up a few notches as he wondered “ Godammit …all these plans going to hell in a hand basket, it just doesn't fucking pay to work with inferior people…there's hell to pay when I catch up with those two !”

The old mechanic's shop was a good ways out of downtown Beetlebottom. He had his own plot of twenty acres, but it was all scrub brush and small trees.

 There were a few wild animals trails crisscrossing it and an abandoned old road that used to go to a gravel pit.

The mechanic was outside the shop, trying to figure out what Mr Jenkins pick-up truck was going to need, when he heard the distinctive sound of a V8 car come around the corner.

David Lee looked forward and left to see the barn like like building with a couple big doors, and a wooden hand painted sign that said “Auto Repairs”. Plain and simple.

“Ha, just what the doctor ordered” David Lee smiled a self satisfied smile. 

“ Things are going my way now, things are starting to turn” 

David Lee could feel his hunting instincts starting to peak.

David cranked the steering wheel and pulled the muscle car right into the left side bay of the two bay shop. 

The old mechanic was more than a little perturbed that some stranger had the brass balls to just drive right into his shop without a hello or a howdy-do.

The mechanic sauntered over to the shop to have a look see at what this intrusion was all about.

David Lee shut the car off and clambered up and out.

The two men met inside the shop at the back of the car.

David Lee said “ Hey, Pops, can you have a look under the hood, it's not running right, the engine has a bad miss”

The mechanic turned to look over the shiny new car from front to back.

He then turned his full attention to the leather jacket wearing hulk in front of him. From his black motorcycle boots, up to his long unwashed hair and long beard, the mechanic made a series of quick decisions.

“I'm busy today” the mechanic said. “ Got no time for a contraption like this.”

“ Hey man, if you could just have a look, maybe it's something simple. Then…I can be on my way”

The mechanic knew that by the direction that this guy came from, he had been at the bootlegger's house.

Nothing good ever comes from that direction.

“ I got no parts for something like this anyways, couldn't help you if I wanted to” the mechanic returned with. He was getting downright defiant.

“ Look, buddy, just have look. It'll be simple. I'll pay you cash, and then I'll go…ok?”

The look of David Lee Royce would scare most citizens and good people. He just had that look that said …messing with him was a bad idea.

The mechanic had no such feelings. A long time ago, he had gone off to war, like so many of his generation. He had seen really bad things, and done some really bad things.

That was then, and this was now. The mechanic was really happy with his simple quiet life.

He did what he was good at, and minding his own business.

“Like I said, I'm busy, and…I don't have any parts”

That was an unfortunate thing to say.

Without pause, David Lee lunged forward and grabbed another man by the collar for the second time this morning.

This time, the mechanic was heavier and stockier than the bean pole Porch Man, so David Lee couldn't quite manage to pull him off the ground.

“ Look, you old fool, have a look under the fucking hood, fix whatever is fucking wrong…and I'll be on my fucking way .. got it?”

“ I'm not gonna fucking ask you again “

David Lee kept his grip on the mechanic's overalls.

The mechanic just blankly stared into David Lee's angry face. The mechanic could smell cigarettes, booze and unwashed body odor.

“ Sure, ok pal, I'll have a look. Would you mind letting go, please?”

David Lee slowly let go, but still held his hand on the the mechanic's chest.

“ Ok, you got that, right?, fix it up, I'll pay you, and then we are good” David Lee explained himself, yet again.

Then David Lee announced, “I'm going out back for a piss”

With that, David Lee about faced, and went out through the wooden back door of the shop and stepped on to the grass.

The mechanic watched with complete detachment as the stranger stood in his backyard and unzipped his pants.

Knowing where this guy likely came from, the mechanic went over behind the muscle car and popped open the trunk.

He kept one eye on the stranger as he looked inside the duffle bags. He saw the Remington shotgun laying underneath.

The mechanic looked a the stranger, who was now on full steam, peeing on his backyard grass.

He looked back down at the contents of the trunk.

David Lee Royce was finished and zipping up his pants. He had a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

The mechanic came out of the shop and stood behind the large, long haired man.

The mechanic said, simply and fairly quietly, “ Hey”

David Lee's thought at that point was “ What fucking now?”

David Lee turned around, in a foul state of mind, cigarette in mouth to face the ignorant son of a bitch that couldn't do what he was told.

The mechanic was closer than David Lee expected.

The mechanic reached into the large back pocket of his coveralls with his right hand.

He quickly pulled out a three pound ball peen hammer and swung hard and fast.

He absolutely brained David Lee Royce in the side of his head, right above his ear.

It made a sound as if he had hit a softwood tree with the same hammer…a part solid, part soft and gushy sound.

David Lee spit out his cigarette and staggered off to his right and back a bit.

He tried to make his arms move to get his .45 out , but his arms didn't move.

He looked at the mechanic right square in the eyes, but the morning light was going dark all of a sudden.

David Lee felt the ground pulling at him. He fought to stay standing, but was quickly losing that battle.

David Lee Royce's knees buckled and he fell forward, landing right on his face where he just finished peeing.

The mechanic watched the whole process with a disinterested look.

When David Lee's body finally settled into the morning grass and quit moving, the mechanic took a rag from his pocket and wiped the black hair and red blood from his hammer.

Then it occurred to the old mechanic that he had a pot of beans warming up on the shop woodstove.