News of the Most Glorious Empire Issue 3

By Mike Pearson

Emperor Fireworks show and Other News.

Emperor Trump and Viceroy Vladimir enjoyed a special holiday fireworks show together this past weekend.

The Special Entertainment Bureau launched Mars mission rockets, and science satellite rockets at the same time and crashed them together several miles offshore from the South Florida Imperial Trump Palazzo.

This produced spectacular flames, sparks and smoke trails that provided much delight to the hard working leadership of our Great Trump Empire.

Earlier in the week our magnificent and all seeing leader deemed all space exploration ( manned or unmanned) to be a futile and childish waste of money and talent.

All NASA and JPL ( Jet Propulsion Laboratory) staff, scientists and engineers will be transfered to the Trump Real Estate Development Corporation. In their new roles, they will be designing glorious new Trump branded cities, golf courses and penal colonies.

The ex-Trillionaire, Mr Musk will continue to run a special projects space company for the Trump Empire. Mr Musk enjoys a generous monthly income of 2500 dollars before taxes and fees. His new 750 sq ft cubical and home is provided for a small weekly cost.

Mr Musk's 1.5 trillion dollar fortune has been repurposed by the Trump Empire Assets Management Agency for the greater good of the Trump Empire.

Also on the drawing board is a system of Population Reduction Centers that will be built in strategic areas around the Empire.

The Population Reduction Centers ( PRC ) will be franchised to specially selected Territorial Governors of the Empire.

PRC areas will enjoy special tax advantages and  generous bonus packages for superior performance.

Details to follow

The territory previously known as Ontario is now  the Eastern Special Penal Colony Industrial Zone. Non volunteer guest, Doug Ford has been reported missing from his work station at Trump Elegance Body Spray Factory. Emperor Trump prays for Doug Ford's safe return to productive and worthy toil for the Greater Good of the Empire.

In other Great News from the office of Emperor Trump, the city previously known as Calgary ( in the Petro Zone Alberta) is now Petro Office Facility North.

The city previously known as Edmonton will be Repair Facility and Sanitation Depot B. 

At a future date it will be upgraded to Nuclear Waste Storage Depot B-1.

In even greater news , the income tax rate in Petro Zone Alberta will hold steady at 55%. Gloriously, the corporate and production tax rate paid to the Trump Expansion Forever Fund is rock steady at 92%.

All hail the magnificent benificence of Emperor Trump to his loyal subjects.

The loyal and loving subjects of the Emperor have sent his approval ratings to 112%. This according to a poll done by the Trump Polling and Promotion Corporation.

All hail Our Glorious Emperor!

Make sure to send your weekly tribute before the Sunday night deadline!

Subservience is Glory!


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lost treasure trove of Abandoned Logging Machines....Part One

By Mike Pearson
Image
Canada Day 2012, what better way to celebrate than to go into the Canadian rain forest in search of lost mechanized treasures. The growth of the alder trees and underbrush was fairly intimidating, We only had hand tools, but faced a solid wall of green where we wanted to get into. We threw ourselves into the task for about half an hour and started to see good progress. That lead to hours more cutting,. pruning and dragging debris away. The results were definitely worth the effort, the hulking old logging gear was ready for it's close-up shot. Videos of the this site are here.. Press on the "YouTube" logo to get a bigger image. When you get to the YouTube site...then you can press the icon for "full screen" When you are done looking at these photos, and have a few minutes to spare...here is a link to a story that was on the front page of the Province newspaper on May 13 2012. It's a tale about a tragic workplace death of a friend of mine at Toba Inle...
Read more

The Mexican Billionaires Yacht, The Golden Cell

By Mike Pearson
Image
In the 90's I got into scuba diving to solve some problems at work. I had been  building docks,boathouses and the like for a few years (loved every minute of it)...when it came time to do various underwater chores...the divers that got hired were just not up to the task....they were good divers,but not great at working underwater. Keep in mind these are pre-regulation days in light commercial diving. The joys of work dives   frozen fresh water on top of sea water Diver Mike  So I decided ...I'll just do it myself. I signed up for a scuba course in Sechelt and met a man who would go on to be a huge factor in some great future times....Bill Brooks. I'll leave those tales for another time. Flash forward a few years...Bill and I have salvaged sunken boom boats, a slew of pleasure boats at the bottom of a damaged marina and had experimented with dives past 200ft.  By the time of this story rolls around I'm an establish local work diver. In the cou...
Read more

Scaling Bar for an Excavator

By Mike Pearson
Image
From time to time, the usual attachments and ideas don't work anymore. Scaling loose rock at the max reach and height of an excavator boom/stick is dangerous and nerve racking work. The possibility of doing damage to the machine, and having a chunk of rock come through you window are fairly high. Here are a few pics of a successful design of a scaling bar attachment that was built for 345/450 sized machines. The thick wall round tube design is much stronger and rigid than any size of I-beam or H-beam designs. I have used I/H-beam scaling bars...and the first thing they do is flex like a wet spaghetti noodle. We had a 12 inch I-beam bar on a 200 Hitachi, and it bent easily with very little torque applied. The round  model in the photos has a replaceable tube that is held in by a pin. Here's a few things that I have learned about excavator scaling bars. 1. It's dangerous work. b. Put your best guy on the job c. Put you ugliest machine under him ( you will hit the ...
Read more